Wednesday, June 29, 2011

K-Y Intimacy Experiment Day 4: Outside the Comfort Zone

Day four of the experiment deals with balancing comfort and familiarity in a relationship with the unpredictability and sense of mystery which foster sexual attraction. I've been instructed to read this list of "offenses" which may cause a couple's sex life to suffer and identify which ones I'm guilt of. Let's take a look:

  • Sleep with kids or pets in the bedroom- No kids, but our dog does sleep with us. I wish she didn't, but it's preferable to listening to her bark and whine from the other room all night.
  • Have and use a television, computer, or smart phone in the bedroom- There's a TV in there, but we rarely use it.
  • Spend the evenings online- Sometimes, but I never prioritize that above spending time with my partner.
  • Spend time texting or playing with phone during date nights- Nope, I consider that to be very rude.
  • Leave the door open while in the bathroom- Nope
  • Perform personal grooming habits in front of partner- Yes, sometimes I brush my teeth and whatnot in front of him.
  • Sometimes skip basic hygiene (such as bathing or brushing your teeth) because you're too tired, lazy, or think your partner doesn't care- No, my hygiene is pretty good.
Now I'm supposed to review my answers and think about which of these acts I would never have performed in front of my partner at the beginning of the relationship. Well, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done any of them. For one thing we didn't live together so some of them don't really apply (like sleeping with pets or a TV in the room), and others would have been embarassing. Most people are on their best behavior around a new partner, but as you become more familiar with each other you start letting a few things slide. I don't feel that the lack of "mystery" has made our sex life suffer, but I can see how it could be a problem for some couples. I know that if I was with someone who stopped taking care of their basic hygiene it would definitely be an issue!

Basically, the lesson of the day that you might not want to let yourself get too comfortable around your partner. If you're lazing about in a pile of your own fingernail clippings and dandruff while playing facebook games all evening, you may not seem as sexually appealing as you did long ago! So, use your brain. Try to be a little bit conscientious about these things.

Would you like to participate in the K-Y Intimacy Experiment? Just visit the KY Experiment tab on COUPLES PLACE. Also, check out my giveaway for a chance to win a great K-Y kit!

Disclosure: I wrote this post while participating in a blog campaign on behalf of K-Y® Brand and also received product samples to help facilitate my review.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

K-Y Intimacy Experiment Day 3: Everything Old is New Again

Day 3 of the experiment deals with rediscovering a sense of "newness" in a long-term relationship by remembering what attracted the two of you to each other in the first place. When you first meet a potential partner, your brain releases chemicals (dopamine and norepinephrine) which play a key role in sexual arousal. Most of us probably remember how it feels to fall in love (or lust)- you can't keep your mind off of the person, you get butterflies in your stomach when you see them, and you have your hands all over each other at every opportunity. However, as time goes on, that exciting feeling of new love may transform into a sense of comfort. That's good, in a way, but it could have a negative effect on your sex life. Once in a while, you might want to try re-creating that sense of newness that makes the beginning of a relationship so exciting.

For today's exercise, I'm supposed to list as many things as I can about my partner that turned me on when we first met. So, here we go:
  • He had long, dark hair. I dig that.
  • Cute smile
  • Blue eyes (dark hair and blue eyes is my favorite combination)
  • Played guitar well
  • Had some tattoos
  • Good taste in books (I worked at a book store and we both loved Kurt Vonnegut)
  • Sexy voice
  • Good sense of humor
  • Intelligent
  • Liberal ideology, but didn't want to talk about politics too much
  • Nice butt
  • Generally just my type
I'm also supposed to list negative attributes. This isn't going to be a very long list, really.
  • Sometimes wants to nap all afternoon when I'd rather be doing something together
  • Snores
  • Can be somewhat egotistical at times (this was more at the beginning of the relationship, haven't noticed it happening much lately)
  • Not that great at saving money
  • Can be a sore loser when playing board games, and thus no longer plays chess with me
Now, I'm supposed to consider how the negatives have gotten in the way of experiencing the positives. Most of the negatives rarely bother me in any significant way. I suppose that if he spent less time napping and saved more money, we could go out and do fun things together more often. We're both content to spend time at home together most of the time, though.

The booklet suggests a role playing activity in which you and your partner assume new identities, head to a pre-determined location separately, and pretend to meet for the first time. I can see how that would be fun for some people, but personally I would just feel like a dumbass and probably bust out laughing. I'm not the world's best actress. But, if you really want to get that "new love" feeling back, you might want to give it a try!

Would you like to participate in the K-Y Intimacy Experiment? Just visit the KY Experiment tab on COUPLES PLACE. Also, check out my giveaway for a chance to win a great K-Y kit!

Disclosure: I wrote this post while participating in a blog campaign on behalf of K-Y® Brand and also received product samples to help facilitate my review.

Monday, June 27, 2011

The K-Y Intimacy Experiment Day 2: It's Not Just About Sex

Day two of the experiment is all about having positive interactions with your partner outside of the bedroom. The booklet mentions something that I learned about in a psych class a few years ago: "Studies show that successful relationships tend to have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. Experts believe that the ratio should be 5 to 1." So, you should aim to have at least five positive interactions (like hugging, holding hands, giving compliments) for every negative one (like bickering). Ever since I learned that little factoid years ago, I've made a conscious effort to have plenty of positive interactions with my partner, and so far it's worked out very well! Of course, it helps that my fiance is so easy to get along with.

The booklet also mentions that touching your partner is very important as well. Positive touch causes the brain to produce the chemical oxytocin, which helps to create a sense of emotional intimacy, and also helps relieve stress and improve mood. I know that a little cuddling after a hard day always makes me feel much better.

Today, I was supposed to track how often my partner and I interact positively in a journal, but I had a really hectic day today so I sort of slipped up on that. I have a good memory, though! My partner and I didn't interact a whole lot today because I was at work most of the time, but all of the interactions we did have were positive. Several hugs, kisses, some hand holding, good conversation, etc. Not to brag, but we get along really well and we're both affectionate- I think our ratio is probably more like 10 positive interactions per 1 negative. I feel like our emotional connection is very strong.

Would you like to participate in the K-Y Intimacy Experiment? Just visit the KY Experiment tab on COUPLES PLACE. Also, check out my giveaway for a chance to win a great K-Y kit!

Disclosure: I wrote this post while participating in a blog campaign on behalf of K-Y® Brand and also received product samples to help facilitate my review.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

(CLOSED) The K-Y Brand Intimacy Experiment: Day One and *GIVEAWAY*


If you've ever been in a long-term relationship, chances are you've had the experience of being "in a rut" before. Even if your relationship is rock solid and you have great chemistry with your partner, there are bound to be times when you don't quite feel the burning passion that you used to. Maybe things have gotten a little too routine in the bedroom. Maybe you've been too busy and stressed out to get intimate with your partner. Maybe you've just gotten a little lazy about keeping the fire going. Over time, a lack of intimacy can really damage your relationship- but not to worry! With a little effort, you can get out of that rut and experience a fulfilling intimate relationship with your partner once again.

The K-Y Brand Intimacy Experiment was developed by the experts at Good in Bed with the support of K-Y Brand K-Y Brand This 10 day experiment was designed to help couples reconnect and rediscover the fun, passion, and sizzle of sex. For more information, please visit the KY Experiment tab on COUPLES PLACE.

As a participant in this experiment, I will be making daily blog posts for the next ten days as I follow the steps of the program. I am also going to be giving away two awesome K-Y Intimacy Experiment kits- see the bottom of this post for details.

Day One: Love Nest

According to my K-Y Intimacy Experiment booklet, "for women, relaxation-and a lack of concern about their surroundings- is key to pleasure." Luckily for me, I have that lack of concern part down. My bedroom is usually kind of a disaster area, but that doesn't deter my fiance and I from having plenty of fun in there. Nevertheless, attempting to turn our bedroom into a "love nest" certainly couldn't hurt.

Exercise #1 (Day)

Goal: Create a private play-space that's inspiring and protected from the stresses of the outside world by following these steps:

1. Assess the Mess.

My assessment: Yep, that sure is a big mess. The biggest issue is the laundry, both clean and dirty, which is piled all over the place.

2. Eliminate the negative. Get rid of all that clutter!

Ugh, do I have to? Ok, ok... I put away my clean clothes, got the dirty clothes out of sight, vacuumed, and made the bed.

3. Consider what's left. Consider changing your sheets, adding some scented candles and flowers, and changing the decor.

I would love to change my bedroom decor, but right now I just don't have the money to do so. I did put on my nicest sheets and brought in a few decorative items from other rooms, though. I moved our old TV into the bedroom so that we can watch adult movies in there if we feel like it. The booklet suggests bringing in a cd player for mood music, but I know from experience that music just distracts me during sex so I'm going to skip that.

4. Gather your playthings. Fill a "toy box" with adult items- massage oils, lubricants, vibrating toys, etc.

This was my favorite step! I've actually won several adult items lately, and half of them were still boxed up. In the heat of the moment, I sure don't want to have to dig something out of a box and put batteries in it! So, I put a few new toys, a few old favorites, and some of the items from my K-Y kit in the attractive box the kit came with and placed it on the dresser beside our bed.

Exercise #2 (Night)

Now it's time to enjoy a night of passion with my fiance in our newly clean, re-organized room. The booklet says to "use this first night as an opportunity to awaken your senses and your mind to the rest of the program." Sounds good!

Results: Honestly, the bedroom revamp had very little effect on the quality of the sex. This is probably because I don't get turned off by messes very much and I tend to focus on my partner rather than what the room looks like. As long as the room smells good and there aren't any annoying noises (like the dog barking in the other room), I'm good to go. Having the toys set up and within reach was a plus, though. Also, my fiance appreciated that I had put away the laundry.

Ok, now on to the giveaway!

Two (2) lucky readers will win a KY Intimacy Experiment kit! Please note that if you win one of the kits, you will be asked to participate in the experiment and blog about it as well- so please don't enter if you don't have a blog, or if you wouldn't be comfortable blogging about this topic. US residents only, sorry!

The kit includes:

*Mandatory Entry*
Simply tell me which product in the kit you would most like to try! Please leave your email address in this entry. If you do not complete this entry, none of your other entries will be valid.

  *Bonus Entries*

For extra entries, you may do any or all of the following. Please leave a separate comment for each entry.
  •  Follow me on twitter @giveawaysetc  and let me know what your twitter name is. (1entry)
  • Send me a friend request on facebook
  • Follow my blog via GFC- see the "followers" widget on my right sidebar (1 entry)
  • Tweet about this giveaway- you may tweet once a day for an extra entry each day. You must use the hashtag #KYIntimacyExperiment  and put a link to this post in your tweets, and you must leave a link to your tweet in your comment! (1 entry/day)
You may use this sample tweet if you'd like:
Need more intimacy in your relationship? Enter this #Giveaway for a chance to win a #KYIntimacyExperiment kit!

This giveaway ends on Tuesday, July 5th, at midnight (Eastern time). The winners will be determined by and will be notified by email. Winners must respond to their email within 48 hours, or else new winners will be chosen. I am not in charge of prize delivery- the sponsor is. Good luck!

Please don't be lame and cheat. I may be lazy, but I will check to make sure your entries are legit. If you don't follow the rules, I reserve the right to delete your comments.

Disclosure: I wrote this post while participating in a blog campaign on behalf of K-Y® Brand and also received product samples to help facilitate my review.